Time flies

So many things to do, so less is the time.
I just can not help wondering what I can finish within three weeks. This is the first day.

No news is good news

On the news paper The Age, one first page big title Teen knife violence surge: Youths caught in vicious turf war, 8 stabbed. A cure for the blade epidemic is wanted, said by a former Deputy Commissioner of Victoria Police Bob Falconer. On the Melbourne Time, a magazine, a story is about homeless people. In broadcast when I sat in a friend’s car, it talked about a woman was raped and old people dying at home.

What kind of world is it?

headache is painful

Today when it was near 6 o’clock I started to feel my headache, which is the exactly feeling I got when I worked for a whole long day in China Telecom. It is the feeling that the work has exhausted all the energy inside your body, so that the normal physical indication was given out to indicate the necessary of a rest. I just felt these two days the research went on well.

I tried to take the YA fellowship as a comfort but it did not work. Now I am lying on the bed still feeling the strong ache of the head.

Tonight I watched an introduction about the Youth Insearch organization, part of Austrian Stories Series. It described in Sydney there are youth issue related to the poor single parent family. How a boy grew in that situation into be a social worker to help the youth in Youth Insearch to overcome the trauma brought by the social environment.

Curitiba got great public and garbage systems

Tonight I watched a video show talking about sustainable urban city. It used Curitiba as an example to explore the possibility of a green city. The public transport system and the garbage recycling system are most successful there. Nearly two third of the garbage is recycled.

When it showed the life there, it mentioned there are still many poor people in Cuba. The video introduced a Green exchange scheme there, which the people working in agriculture can exchange their recyclable garbage to food and bus tickets. When I saw their faces, their shabby clothes, I felt sorry for them. Because I dressed well, I still felt insatiate. I got abundant food without grateful heart. When did I become such a greedy person?

It is good to watch some programs which can educate me, which can bring deep thought after the show. By knowing more and more on what happened on the earth, I can sense my own existence and the meaning of the existence and the eagerness to help improve the situation nowadays.

My spiritual journey II

Winnie emphasized the point that everyone got different talent and walked different path. What the other has is not important, because that is not who they are. In our Chinese education, we are competitive fighting the best, the No.1. Comparison with the colleagues doesn’t help at all. It is wrong to follow this materialize distorted world. Also there is other thing in life beside career and success only in the working domain. The relationship between God and me, between the family members and me, friends and me, people around and me is more important, which makes who I am. The identity of me is constituted of these elements. I am a student of my supervisor, I am a colleague of the people in my office, I am a housemate to those who shares the same place with me, I am a daughter of my parents, I am an elder sister of Ting.

The different between like and love. Usually we like something because we can get benefit from it. That is not love. Love is something bigger and greater than that. Love will not ask return. Great Love no man. Only God is the source of love, unselfish, giving love.

We have faith to God is not because his value system can be fit into ours. Conversely, we need to devote ourselves to him. Dedication means we open our mind, our heart to accept his words his value system the Bible.

We learned not only the knowledge from bible, the history, the names and the story. We need to accept it, agree it with the soul and mind and heart.

The freedom to choose and the willpower are the most important elements God gives only to human. We build the relationship with God by our own willing choice. No one can force you believe in God, and choose Jesus Christ as the only God and savior.

We are his children. He loves us not because what we have done, but who we are.

Why non-Christian can not get the blessing from God is God is a loving God?

My spiritual journey I

I am very grateful today two friends are sent by God to encourage me for the study of PhD and the journey of following Christ. Recently I was very down, worrying so much about the research work. In my mind, I began to consider giving up the church and the Christianity. Because I expected the faith itself can bring me inner peace and joy and I did not get it. So I became disappointed about this fact. I decide to take back the control again. I want to fight for my own life without the support of God only because I told myself I can not feel his existence. I had planed to miss the Sunday service several days ago. Then last night, Mabel called me and encouraged me to come. Even I said yes on the phone, I still felt reluctant to go, thinking wasting my time and I got so many more important things waiting. Then I met Winnie who came back from Perth for a business trip. We had a great conversation. She shared her experience of the study and the acceptance of Christ. This evening, I got email from Sim Min and her inspiration is so important to me.

One thing which brought me so much stress is the expectation. I put the research as the only important thing in life. And every week, the supervisor set the goal. Then I worked hard to achieve the target. If I succeed, I felt relieved and satisfied and fulfilled that week. If I failed, I felt I am useless, under average level. The result is I pushed myself too hard, unaware the source of the depression is coming from the wrong objective.

Weekly meeting and weekly work summary should not be the fetter. And I set the wrong priority of the life. It means no matter how hard I tried to find the solution of the depression from those so-called self-help books, I will not find the answer correctly.